BEING HONEST TO HONESTY!

Most amazing emotions of this world are expressed in words which we type, but never dare to send! So true! Life would have been much better had I been a little more honest to myself. Our heart is the biggest cheater in the world and our conscience is no less. Our heart has all the solutions to our queries..but somehow we prefer to be ignorant- at least  I do so. Probably because like anybody on earth I want to seek a better answer in someone else’s advice, in someone else’s care, always dependent that someone will hold when I fall but some things in life are just virtual, only good to imagine..they never exist..they are just to console ourselves! It’s a truth and hard to accept.

Years ago, as a lonely child..though sad and depressed.. I was a better human being because I never lied to myself. I remained isolated from others because I couldn’t be what I was not! But now.. I say things to people I don’t actually mean but  just to make them happy, I smile when I don’t want to, I pretend to be happy, I never say what I genuinely feel, I dislike things but never mention because it will hurt! I miss being “ME”. I have become a hypocrite and I have learnt to hide my pains and anxieties from my mom! Amazing me!!

Everywhere I see are people mastering “the art of flattery”-if u can’t make it, just fake it! How amazingly they lead a life with dual faces-with apathy and no regrets. Not that I m a person without any flaw, but such a living isn’t making me happy either! When you try to care-its interference, when you ask-you are being suspicious, when you are quiet- you are an introvert or proud, when you speak straight from the heart- you are mouthy, when you don’t reciprocate a favour-you are selfish, when you are a girl-it’s presumed that you ought to be jealous! And when you are strong, some people take it as a licence to hurt!

This excerpt is not to say ‘you are wrong and I am right’! Of course, you and I together make the world. But I wish people accepted the truth more open-heartedly, knowing each-other’s flaws would have been much easier! 

My life is my own

 Who should hold the key?

I question myself

And realise that it isn’t “me”!

It hurts to be unreal

 More when you know

And as Time passes by

I will reap what I sow

An unknown fear engulfs me now

And there’s a quest - why and how?

All I know is-

I want to be a child again

I want to laugh and cry aloud

And not get lost in the crowd

I want to rejoice not to gain

Just to be happy and enjoy again

I want to be a soul where no hypocrisy dwells

My smile isn’t fake and my cries’ real!

I wish I had not grown beyond an age

And was not a part of all this rage

I know I have a zest for life

So why be involved in usual rifes?

I don’t glitter for I am not gold

Nor do I want to conquer the world

All I want is to live a life worthy of living

Where I am content with my own “being”

Where my soul can rest in peace when I perish

And I leave others with lots of memories to cherish!

~pr!y@nk@