BEING HONEST TO HONESTY!

Most amazing emotions of this world are expressed in words which we type, but never dare to send! So true! Life would have been much better had I been a little more honest to myself. Our heart is the biggest cheater in the world and our conscience is no less. Our heart has all the solutions to our queries..but somehow we prefer to be ignorant- at least  I do so. Probably because like anybody on earth I want to seek a better answer in someone else’s advice, in someone else’s care, always dependent that someone will hold when I fall but some things in life are just virtual, only good to imagine..they never exist..they are just to console ourselves! It’s a truth and hard to accept.

Years ago, as a lonely child..though sad and depressed.. I was a better human being because I never lied to myself. I remained isolated from others because I couldn’t be what I was not! But now.. I say things to people I don’t actually mean but  just to make them happy, I smile when I don’t want to, I pretend to be happy, I never say what I genuinely feel, I dislike things but never mention because it will hurt! I miss being “ME”. I have become a hypocrite and I have learnt to hide my pains and anxieties from my mom! Amazing me!!

Everywhere I see are people mastering “the art of flattery”-if u can’t make it, just fake it! How amazingly they lead a life with dual faces-with apathy and no regrets. Not that I m a person without any flaw, but such a living isn’t making me happy either! When you try to care-its interference, when you ask-you are being suspicious, when you are quiet- you are an introvert or proud, when you speak straight from the heart- you are mouthy, when you don’t reciprocate a favour-you are selfish, when you are a girl-it’s presumed that you ought to be jealous! And when you are strong, some people take it as a licence to hurt!

This excerpt is not to say ‘you are wrong and I am right’! Of course, you and I together make the world. But I wish people accepted the truth more open-heartedly, knowing each-other’s flaws would have been much easier! 

My life is my own

 Who should hold the key?

I question myself

And realise that it isn’t “me”!

It hurts to be unreal

 More when you know

And as Time passes by

I will reap what I sow

An unknown fear engulfs me now

And there’s a quest - why and how?

All I know is-

I want to be a child again

I want to laugh and cry aloud

And not get lost in the crowd

I want to rejoice not to gain

Just to be happy and enjoy again

I want to be a soul where no hypocrisy dwells

My smile isn’t fake and my cries’ real!

I wish I had not grown beyond an age

And was not a part of all this rage

I know I have a zest for life

So why be involved in usual rifes?

I don’t glitter for I am not gold

Nor do I want to conquer the world

All I want is to live a life worthy of living

Where I am content with my own “being”

Where my soul can rest in peace when I perish

And I leave others with lots of memories to cherish!

~pr!y@nk@

CURSE..CRUSH..CRASH!!! ;)

DISCLAIMER:- this blog is especially dedicated to all chikni chamelis (no figure bias..though because the one writing is not "chikni" anymore either!! )...Anyone reading can relate to it..irrespective of caste, creed, gender and religion...p.s.relationship status!;)

Well..no one can compete girls when it comes to melodrama..we are born with this natural talent! Even when the issue is petty, we can create a sensation out of it..if desired! Every girl has a "Rakhi Sawant" inbuilt within her..which only needs to be ignited!

When things go the either way round..no one can match our "CURSING" abilities..true isn't it? Kareena Kapoor In Ra.One (i wasted 350 bucks and a weekend on this movie..this guilt wil haunt me till my last breath..oops am i about  to curse! :p) had inspired me exponentially!! ( Remember tere tau ka poda..tere bhai ka bhokhra..all can actually enhance our "Art of Cursing"! :p ) I wonder how beautifully and elegantly we have nurtured this art and with experience and time..more and more people have witnessed and fallen prey to our talent! At some point of life or some phase of life..most women resort to mostly cursing themselves for being a woman..reasons?? society..family pressure-first the father, then the husband and at old age-the children.Yes we are big chatterbox... at times we do put restrictions on a man's freedom of right..we are jealous.. bossy .. but then emotionally we are the most exploited!! Cursing is the last refuge we can take..!! ;) Whoa! Thinking different helps you justify things more easily than you actually think.. :D

Girly gossip? Nno conversation can match its aura and standard-from fashion to food.. from guys to their bank balances.. from bitching to faking.. from love to break-ups.. and advice-asked or not asked..is always given and p.s.free of cost!! Truly, hell can't bear us..heaven can't afford us..ha ha. One of the most featured discussion is about "CRUSHES"-special mention-1st crush! In many instances, i thought i am a challenged child because my system never had a crush on anything..at times i wondered if my hormonal balance was alright? Not my fault..you see.. In standard 9..i discovered that  liking guys is normal...phew..Not that i want to sound naive and stupid nor ignorant..but then thats the way it is! The crux of the problem is i still don't have one-sometimes facts are stranger than fiction!! :p
P.S all reading this should definitely share their own story!

Girls are most complex creations-complex than those chemical reactions and carbon compounds, taught in chemistry! Our heart "CRASHES" occur as rapidly as Ranbir Kapoor changes his girlfriends!  (the Kapoor family has really contributed to my blog today :p ) Reasons are manifold- how could you forget my birthday, anniversary, the day we met?.. you are always late on a date, busy with work..you don't love me anymore..you are bored of me..blah blah..(all these i learnt through gossips-see its power and the amount of knowledge and experience it adds to your life!) But in stark contrast to this we change from demanding girlfriends to dedicated wives..from suspicious girlfriends to considerate mothers.. from being dad's princess to a home-maker...from jealous friends to children's best friends.. above all.. giving up all just to be with one and give him all!!

We are a myriad sea of expressions..the producer of life..the foundation of a happy house..the pillar of someone's life..we are born to give and forgive!! We are still the world's greatest mystery...so we make good "mummies"!! (not the egyptian ones..ofcourse..!! )


 footnote:- Actually...a girl's dream is not to find the perfect guy for her..but her real dream is to eat without getting fat!! :p ha ha

reflections-then and now!!

DISCLAIMER:- this is certainly not a theatrical trailer to the dramatic events of my life..but a small window to bring out the "real me"..no mirror image!! ;)

everyone in India ,at some point of his\her life has felt that their life-story would definitely make a hit 'masala' Bollywood movie..Reason? we are born filmy!! Such thoughts have randomly rung bells in my mind since i was a child of 10...the movies then were so very thought-provoking that the dialogues constantly hammered my brain even when i sat to do my homework!! Hats off to my innocence, when i secretly wept , seeing the hero-heroine being separated..extremely glad when they shared a beautiful chemistry (didn't know then what  "chemistry" meant-it was some kind of a subject which i was supposed to hate in future..as narrated by my cousins!! ha ha) or a romantic song .. about which i wasn't supposed to discuss (as my brains instructed) because i felt it was a "sin" to do so or may be its a sign of adulthood!!  (however, of late films like jism, murder and the dirty picture..cleared all my misconceptions..!! ;) )


Being an adult is no fun!! WHY?? There's always a mature mind and an experienced heart creating an emotional-divide within! Where my mind is much more predominant than my heart, where my principles are rigid enough to rule me, where i am always called "someone's daughter" and will be called "someone's wife", where i am allowed to be "myself" but then it's not about being "me", where innocence is lost and practicality plays havoc with me, when trying too hard is termed "desperation" and giving up earns you the tag of a "looser"!!

Life then and now has undergone drastic changes..!! But the "child" in me is so eager to vent out!! ha ha
I want to say "i care a damn, but why the active brain makes me practical again?" why can't the life be filmy again!! Where there's a happy ending always, where the hero-heroine always find a way out, where the hero always wins over the villain!

Negativity breeds so easily. Any sad and sentimental song seems so very receptive to our ears! Is it because we are all emotional fools? Why do we take our lives so seriously? we want everything permanently in our temporary life..we strive for perfection when it can never happen.. we live life on someone else's terms..we want to make everyone happy..all the world is a rat-race..and we are a part of it..and ultimately all are caught in the mouse-traps!!

Whenever i tried to end the World War-III within me....a World War -IV  followed!!may be it's human nature..emotions always keep on fighting the Battle of Panipat..!! Truly, life doesn't come with a user-manual..so i am making mistakes and still searching for all my answers that obviously lies within me.. hope i discover them soon and shout "EUREKA"
     
one life..too many expectations!! Lets simplify it!! A well-lived today ensures a better tomorrow! keep smiling and keep blogging!